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THINGS I HAVE LEARNED LIVING IN ...
WEST VIRGINIA



1. A Possum is a flat animal that sleeps in the middle of the road.

2."Onced" and "Twiced" are words.

3. It is not a shopping cart, it is a buggy.

4. "Jaw-P" means "Did ya'll go to the bathroom?"

5. People actually grow AND eat okra.

6. "Fixinto" is one word.

7. There is no such thing as "lunch". There is only dinner and then there is supper.

8. Iced tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you're two. We do like a little tea with our sugar!

9. Backards and forards means "I know everything about you."

10. The word "Jeet" is actually a phrase meaning "Did you eat?"

11. You don't have to wear a watch because it doesn't matter what time it is. You work until you're done or it's too dark to see.

12. You don't PUSH buttons, you MASH them.





YOU KNOW YOU'RE FROM WEST VIRGINIA IF:



1. You measure distance in minutes.

2. You've ever had to switch from "heat" to "A/C" in the same day.

3. You use "fix" as a verb. For example: "I'm fixing to go git somethin to eat."

4. All the festivals across the state are named after a fruit, vegetable, grain, insect or animal.

5. You know what a "DAWG" is.

6. You carry jumper cables in your car. For your OWN car.

7. You only own five spices: salt, pepper, Texas Pete, Tabasco and Ketchup.

8. The local papers cover national and international news on one page, but require 6 pages for local gossip and motor sports.

9. You think that the first day of deer season is a national holiday.

10. You find 100 degrees Fahrenheit "a bit warm".

11. You know all four seasons: Almost Summer, Summer, still Summer and Christmas.

12. Going to Wal-mart is a favorite past time known as "goin' Wal-martin" or off to "Wally World."

13. You describe the first cool snap (below 70 degrees) as good soup weather.

14. We don't need no dang Driver's Ed. If our mama says we can drive, we can drive dag-nabbit.

15. You understand these jokes and forward them to your West Virginia friends (and those who just wish they were.)





Friends vs. West Virginia Friends

FRIENDS: Never ask for food.
     WEST VIRGINIA FRIENDS: Always bring the food.

     FRIENDS: Will say 'hello'.
     WEST VIRGINIA FRIENDS: Will give you a big hug and a kiss.

     FRIENDS: Call your parents Mr. And Mrs.
     WEST VIRGINIA FRIENDS: Call your parents Mom and Dad.

     FRIENDS: Have never seen you cry.
     WEST VIRGINIA FRIENDS: Cry with you.

     FRIENDS: Will eat at your dinner table and leave.
     WEST VIRGINIA FRIENDS: Will spend hours there, talking, laughing,
and just being together.

     FRIENDS: Know a few things about you.
     WEST VIRGINIA FRIENDS: Could write a book with direct quotes from you.

     FRIENDS: Will leave you behind if that's what the crowd is doing.
     WEST VIRGINIA FRIENDS: Will kick the whole crowds' back-ends that
left you.

     FRIENDS: Would knock on your door.
     WEST VIRGINIA FRIENDS: Walk right in and say, 'I'm home !'

     FRIENDS: Will visit you in jail.
     WEST VIRGINIA FRIENDS: Will spend the night in jail with you.


     FRIENDS: Will visit you in the hospital when you're sick.
     WEST VIRGINIA FRIENDS: Will cut your grass and clean your house then
come spend the night with you in the hospital and cook for you when you come home.

     Friends: Have you on speed dial.
     WEST VIRGINIA FRIENDS: Have your number memorized.

     FRIENDS: Are for a while.
     WEST VIRGINIA FRIENDS: Are for life.

     FRIENDS: Might ignore this.
     WEST VIRGINIA FRIENDS: Will forward this to all their WEST VIRGINIA Friends.




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