A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station.... Do Lipton employees take coffee breaks? What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men? I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons and forks, so I wonder what Chinese mothers use. Toothpicks? Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do . . . write to these men? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they delivered the mail? How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there? If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS here for? Clones are people two. If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong? If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag? Nostalgia isn't what it used to be. Think "honk" if you're telepathic. If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation? After eating, do amphibians need to wait an hour before getting OUT of the water? Why don't they just make mouse-flavored cat food? If you're sending someone some Styrofoam, what do you pack it in? Why do they sterilize needles for lethal injections? Is it true cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny? Isn't Disney World a people trap operated by a mouse? Whose cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have an "s" in it? How come abbreviated is such a long word? If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice
as Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?
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"Like I'm gonna jump on this one in a
hurry..............NOT!!!!!!!"
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2. PREPARE YOURSELF: Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work-weary people. Be a little happy and a little more interesting. His boring day may need a lift. 3. CLEAR AWAY CLUTTER. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives, gathering up school books, toys, paper, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too. 4. PREPARE THE CHILDREN. Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces if they are small, comb their hair, and if necessary, change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part. 5. MINIMIZE THE NOISE: At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of washer, dryer, or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet. Greet him with a warm smile and kiss, letting him know you're glad to see him.
 6. Some Don'ts: Don't greet him with problems or complaints. Don't complain if he's late for dinner. Count this as minor compared with what he might have gone through that day. 7. MAKE HIM COMFORTABLE. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or suggest he lay down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soft, soothing and pleasant voice. Allow him to relax and unwind. 8. LISTEN TO HIM: You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first. 9. MAKE THE EVENING HIS: Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or to other places of entertainment; instead try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his need to be home and relax. 10. THE GOAL: try to make your home a place of peace and order where your husband can relax.
WELCOME TO 2009! A WHOLE
2. PREPARE YOURSELF: Make sure to change out of your work clothes into something comfortable. Who cares if he likes it or not . . . after all, it's most likely his T-shirt and boxers. 3. CLEAR AWAY CLUTTER: Yeah right! Tell the kids and your husband if they want maid service, they better call one! 4. PREPARE THE CHILDREN: Send the children to their rooms to watch television or play Nintendo. 5. MINIMIZE THE NOISE: Yell to him over the loud music your kids are playing, that this is what you had to put up with while he was gone. And mention that it was his decision to buy the kids a new CD player in the first place. 6. SOME Don'ts: Don't greet him with problems and complaints. Let him speak first, and then your complaints will get more attention and remain fresh in his mind throughout dinner. Don't complain if he's late for dinner, simply remind him that the leftovers are in the fridge and you left the dishes for him to do. 7. MAKE HIM COMFORTABLE: Tell him where he can find a blanket if he's cold. This will really show you care. 8. LISTEN TO HIM: But don't ever let him get the last word. 9. MAKE THE EVENING HIS: Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or other places of entertainment; go with a friend - or go shopping (use his credit card). Familiarize him with the phrase "Girls' Night Out!" 10. THE GOAL: Try to keep things amicable without reminding him that he only thinks the world revolves around him. Obviously he's wrong, it revolves around you. |
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WORLD!
