1. Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later how to use it.

2. Just because you can drive on snow and ice does not mean we can. Stay home the two days of the year it snows.

3. If you do run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men in the cab of a four wheel drive with a 12-pack of beer and a tow chain will be long shortly. Don't try to help them. Just stay out of their way. This is what they live for.

4. Don't be surprised to find movie rentals & bait in the same store.

5. Remember:"Y'all" is singular. "All y'all" is plural. "All ya'll's" is plural possessive.

6. Get used to hearing, "You ain't from around here, are you?"

7. If you are yelling at the person driving 15 MPH in a 55 MPH zone, directly in the middle of the road, remember, many folks learned to drive on a model of vehicle know as John Deere, and this is the proper speed and lane position for that vehicle.

8. No matter what you've seen on TV, line dancing is not a popular weekend pastime.

9. Get used to the phrase "It's not the heat, it's the humidity". And the collateral phrase "You call this hot? Wait'll August.

10. There are no delis. Don't ask.

11. In conversation, never put your hand on a man's shoulder when making a point, especially in a bar...

12. Chili does NOT have beans in it

13. Brisket is not 'cooked' in an oven.

14. Don't tell us how you did it up there. Nobody cares.

15. If you think it's too hot, don't worry. It'll cool down - in December.

16. We do TOO have 4 Seasons: December, January, February, and summer!

17. A Mercedes-Benz is not a status symbol. A Ford F-150 is.

18. If someone tells you "Don't worry, those peppers aren't hot" you can be certain they are!!

19. If you fail to heed my warning in #18 above, be sure to have a bowl of guacamole handy. Water won't do it.

20. Rocky Mountain oysters are NOT oysters. Don't ask.

21. If someone says they're "fixin" to do something, that doesn't mean anything's broken.

22. Don't even think of ordering a strawberry daiquiri. What you really mean to say is 'margarita'.

23. If you don't understand our passion for college and high school football just keep your mouth shut.

24. The value of a parking space is not determined by the distance to the door, but the availability of shade.

25. BBQ is a food group. It does NOT mean grilling burgers and hot dogs.

26. If you hear a redneck exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this!" Stay out of his way. These are likely the last words he will ever say.

27. "Tea" = Iced Tea. There is no other kind.

28. Everything goes better with Ranch dressing.

1. That slope-shouldered ranch hand/cowboy did more work before breakfast than you'll do all week at the gym. He doesn't need your respect, but he sure deserves it.

2. It's called a 'gravel road.' No matter how slow you drive, you're going to get dust on your SUV. I have a four-wheel drive because I need it. Drive it buddy, or get out of the way.

3. We all started hunting and fishing when we were nine years old. Yeah, we saw Bambi. We got over it.

4. Any references to "corn fed" when talking about our women will get your hinny kicked...by our women.

5. Go ahead and bring your $600 Orvis Fly Rod. Don't cry to us if a catfish breaks it off at the handle. We have a name for that little 13-inch trout you fish for...bait.

6. Pull your pants up. You look like an idiot.

7. If that cell phone rings while a bunch of mallards are making their final approach, we will shoot it. You might hope you don't have it up to your ear at the time.

8. The Jackrabbits and the Coyotes are as important here as the Lakers and the Knicks...and a dang sight more fun to watch.

9. No, there's no "Vegetarian Special" on the menu. Order steak. Order it rare. Or, you can order the Chef's Salad and pick off the two pounds of ham and turkey. Yeah, we have sweet tea. It comes in a glass with two packets of sugar and a long spoon.

10. You bring Coke into my house, it better be brown, wet, and served over ice.

11. So you have a sixty thousand dollar car. We're real impressed. We have quarter of a million dollar combines that we drive two weeks a year.

12. Let's get this straight. We have one stoplight in town. We stop when it's red. We may even stop when it's yellow.

13. Our women hunt, fish, and drive trucks--because they want to. So, you're a feminist. Isn't that cute.

14. Yeah, we eat catfish--carp, too--and turtle. You really want sushi and caviar? It's available at the bait shop.

15. They are cattle. That's what they smell like. Get over it. Don't like it? Interstate 10 goes two ways....I-35 goes the other two. Pick one.

16. The "Opener" refers to the first day of deer season. It's a religious holiday held the closest Saturday to the first of November. You can get breakfast at the church.

17. So every person in every pick-up waves. It's called being friendly. Try to understand the concept.

18. Yeah, we have golf courses. Don't hit in the water hazards. It spooks the alligators.

19. No, we can't shoot the doves. They're songbirds. Okay, even we feel a little stupid about that one. Now, enjoy your visit and then go home.