~ You can name everyone you graduated with.

~ You ever went to parties at a pasture, barn,
or in the middle of a dirt road.

~ You used to drag "main."

~ You said a cuss word and your
parents knew within the hour.

~ You schedule parties around the schedule
of different police officers,
since you know which ones would bust you
and which ones wouldn't
(same goes with the game warden).

~ You ever went cow-tipping or snipe hunting.

~ School gets canceled for state events.

~ You were ever in the Homecoming parade.

~ You have ever gone home for Homecoming.

~ It was cool to date someone from the neighboring town.

~ You had senior skip day.

~ The whole school went to the same party after graduation.

~ You don't give directions by street names or directions by
references (turn by Nelson's house,
go two blocks east Anderson's,
and it's four houses left of the track field).

~ The golf course had only 9 holes.

~ You can't help but date a friend's ex-girlfriend

~ Your car stays filthy because of the dirt roads,
and you will never own a dark vehicle for this reason.

~ You think kids that ride skateboards are weird.

~ The town next to you is considered "trashy" or "snooty,"
but is actually just like your town.

~ Getting paid minimum wage is considered a raise.

~ You refer to anyone with a house newer than 1980 as the "rich people."

~ The people in the city dress funny,
then you pick-up on the trend two years later.

~ You bragged to your friends because you
got pipes on your truck for your birthday.

~ Anyone you want can be found at either the
Dairy Queen or the feed store.

~ You see at least one friend a week driving
a tractor through town.

~ Football coaches suggest that you haul hay
for the summer to get stronger.

~ Directions are given using "the" stop light as a reference.

~ The city council meets at the coffee shop.

~ Your letter jacket was worn after your 19th birthday.

~ You have ever taken a trailer or dog
to school on a daily basis.

~ Weekend excitement involves a trip to a Wal-Mart.

~ You know what 4-H is.

~ Even the ugly people enter beauty pageants.

~ You decide to walk somewhere for exercise
and 5 people pull over and ask if you need a ride.

~ Your teachers calls you by your older siblings names.

~ Your teachers remember when they taught your parents.

~ You can charge at all the local stores.

~ The closest McDonald's is 45 miles away.

~ So is the closest mall.

~ It is normal to see an old man riding
through town on a riding lawn mower.

~~THINGS YOU WOULDN'T HEAR A SOUTHERNER SAY...~~

~We don't keep firearms in this house.

~Has anybody seen the sideburn trimmer?

~You can't feed that to the dog.

~I thought Graceland was tacky.

~No kids in the back of the pick-up, it's not safe.

~Wreslin's fake.

~Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?

~We're vegetarians.

~Do you think my hair is too big?

~I'll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy.

~Honey, these bonsai trees need watering?

~Who's Richard Petty?

~Give me the small bag of pork rinds.

~Deer heads detract from the decor.

~Spitting is such a nasty habit.

~I just couldn't find a thing at Wal-Mart today.

~Trim the fat off that steak.

~Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.

~The tires on that truck are too big.

~I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad.

~I've got it all on a floppy disk.

~Unsweetened tea tastes better.

~Would you like your fish poached or broiled?

~My fiancee, Paula Jo, is registered at Tiffany's.

~I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.

~Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.

~Checkmate.

~She's too old to be wearing that bikini.

~Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?

~Hey, here's an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven't seen.

~I don't have a favorite college team.

~I believe you cooked those green beans too long.

~Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.

~Elvis who?

~Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.

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